Once Upon A Really Random Story
by Julianne Q. Grey
Summary: A mixture of the classics, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, even a hint of Snow White, with splatters of humour mixed in I own none! Readers wil be pulled in by the Harry Potter characters, and the five OCs. HarryGinny and RonHermoine pairing
1. Chapter 1

Hey, this is clearly a fanfiction. Which means I'm a fan of something, and this is fiction. I am currently accepting flames, but please no curse words. This is completely AU (Alternate Universe).

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series, characters, or any possible songs, unless I have claimed it mine in the beginning. The lyrics might be tweaked.

* * *

_Dear Father,_

_I want you to know I am running away from marriage. I absolutely refuse to tell you why, but I know that this is best for me. You know of my little curse, and I do not think it very good to discuss now. Please do not look for me. Please do not ask Phyllis, because she has enough trouble as it is. I haven't even told her where I'm going._

_-Ginny_

For the sixth time that day, after rereading her note, the red haired girl crumpled up her parchment.

"No good," she muttered. "It's too short."

Ginny Weasley, the red haired girl, was the youngest and only female in a band of brothers, all of which were pirates, except for the youngest brother, Ron, who was still training. Molly and Arthur Weasley were both pirates for the Magical Phoenix (meaning that they went to go dig up buried clues), the government and group of people against Voldemort, who Phyllis, the scullery maid, thought had been a type of fungus. All the Weasleys had bright red hair.

"Well, I must have heard it wrong. It sounded a whole lot like moldy-scorn to me," Phyllis stated, confusedly.

Aside from the nine red haired Weasleys, there were five other beings on board. They were, from oldest to youngest, Phyllis (who you already know), Samantha (the pet owl), Kayla, Putt-Putt (the living car), and Oliver. All the people had black hair and brown eyes. Kayla her had hair down to her knees and was on the chubby side. Phyllis had shoulder length hair and was exactly in the middle of the line between chubby and thin. Oliver had short hair (due to being a boy) and was thin (due to being only 9 years old). He was also Phyllis's brother. Kayla had 2.25 prescription glasses (which were worn occasionally), and Phyllis wore 3.50 prescription glasses nearly all the time (and if I'm not mistaken, they are about the same prescription Harry has to wear in the first book. I figure he wears a 7 prescription now, or something close). Samantha's feathers were smooth, sleek, and a nice shade of dark brown with startlingly yellow eyes. Putt-Putt was completely violet (purple).

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"Hey, Ginny! It's almost midnight!" exclaimed Ron.

"I'm coming!" exclaimed Ginny.

Yes, this was her curse. An evil sea-witch, who people later said worked for He-Who-Was-Once-Called-Tom (which was what Phyllis and Kayla called Mr. Lord Voldemort), had cast a curse on her when she was born.

"This maiden will forever be a mermaid, at least from midnight to noon," proclaimed the sea-witch. "And may the curse only be broken if she can get the ever-famed Boy-Who-Lived to kiss her before she turns sixteen!"

So, she was stuck sleeping in the sea and eating breakfast in the sea or at least until Harry Potter kissed her. But what were the chances of that? Well, a lot. Apparently, before the curse had been proclaimed, he father had set up an arranged marriage with James Potter. She was to marry their eldest boy. Basically, the world went topsy-turvy, queer.

_SPLASH!_

Ginny leapt into the water, only a second before transformation. She swam beneath the ocean's dark blue waves into the night with the boat.

For they were headed to the mainland to the Hogwarts Ball.

* * *

Well, what do you think? Do you love it; hate it, should I continue? The humor comes into the next chapter where Hagrid can't sing! Please review, or at least consider it!


	2. Chapter 2

Readers, as promised, this is the chapter where Hagrid sings. Thanks to **Confused Yellow Stallion **for my only reviewer, although not my only hit. Come on and review, people!

* * *

A boy with emerald-coloured eyes, messy dark hair, accompanied by a lightning-bolt shaped scar and glasses, sat at the window. Most of you know whom I'm talking about. Yes, this is Harry Potter, not the famous one, just the skinny boy who lived with the Dursleys at number 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey. They made him cook, clean, and go on errands.

One really random day in late July (I think it was Harry's birthday) there was an overpopulation of brown barn owls. One of them got through the net Vernon Dursley (Harry's heavily obese uncle) put up to furthermore prevent the owls from getting in. It was carrying a letter. The letter read:

_Dear Harry Potter and the Dursleys._

_ You are all cordially invited to the annual Hogwarts Masquerade Ball, set for September the Fourth at Eight P.M to Four A.M. Hagrid will be greeting all guests at the doorway._

_ Signed,_

_Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_P.S. Tell Harry he's quite famous in the wizarding world._

Quite unfortunately for Vernon and Petunia (Vernon's very thin and mousy wife), Harry just "happened" to be "dusting" some porcelain figures that just "happened" to be right next to where they just "happened" to be reading the letter, and Harry "accidentally" read the letter "along" with them.

Later, he asked, "Uncle Vernon, are you going to go to the Masquerade Ball?"

"Of course! I couldn't think of a better chance to tell off those befuddled wizarding folk for being freaks," stated Vernon. He added, "I might leave you with them, too."

"Could I possibly go with you?" Harry questioned.

"I guess I could, if, and only _if_ you finish all your chores, along with suiting Dudley up for the ball, **_and_** if you have something acceptable to wear," enforced Vernon, turning red in the face.

Harry inwardly groaned. Even if he _was_ able to finish up with chores and suiting Dudley, his Vernon-ish rather overweight cousin; he would never find enough time to make something acceptable to wear, and nowhere near enough money to buy something to wear.

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For the next month or so, Harry was working day in, day out, completing all his chores and finishing Dudley's costume all the meanwhile. It was only four days before the ball, and Harry _still_ was trying to make his costume in between chores. So far, all that was there of the costume was a black shirt and pair of pants. Phyllis, who accidentally turned herself into a sparrow, was flitting through Privet Drive, after becoming lost. She somehow got transported into number four, Harry's room under the stairs.

"How did I get here?" she wondered aloud. "Oh! I know! I must be in Harry Potter's bedroom! This must be his costume for the Hogwarts Ball! It looks a little blank though."

Four hours, four trips to steal cloth, four pinpricks, four small spools of thread, and four spells later, Phyllis managed to create a black shirt with white sleeves, a little white ruffle triangle at the front neck, a red bow at the top of the ruffle, and pants trimmed with red ermine (which was Phyllis's best try at gold, but, hey, this was from pink cloth), with a black mask lined with gold (which was Phyllis's best try at red from black cloth). She instantly turned into a human.

"Great, now I _finally _turn into a human, and the costume's already done!" Phyllis exclaimed.

In the most random moment of all time, Harry walked in.

"Who are **_YOU_**?" Harry yelled.

"Eep, I'm Phyllis, a scullery maid, and I got lost and ended up here," whispered Phyllis, clearly frightened.

"Oh. I'm sorry to scare you. But what did you do to my costume?" inquired Harry.

"I, erm, took the liberty of fixing it up for you. I honestly hope you like it," spluttered out Phyllis.

"Well, thanks, I-" started Harry, before Phyllis disappeared as quickly as she appeared.

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"Where on Earth am I?" asked Phyllis as she appeared in a cherry tree. "Strange, quite strange."

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On the night of the ball, Harry came down fully costumed and bathed.

"So," he said. "When will we be leaving?"

"FOUR A.M., BOY!" shouted Vernon, turning purple, clearly displeased that Harry managed to finish it all. The jealous Dudley tore up his clothes (he was fortunately still wearing parts of clothes) to unacceptable.

Four minutes after they left, Hagrid came.

"Dumbledore sent me to fetch yeh," he said.

"Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo  
Put 'em t'gether and wha' 'ave yeh got  
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo  
It'll do magic b'lieve it err not  
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Salagadoola 'eans mechicka booleroo  
But the th'ngm'bob that does the job is  
bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Salagadoola menchicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo  
Put 'em t'gether and wha' 'ave you got  
bibbidi-bobbidi, bibbidi-bobbidi, bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!"

Harry just stared at the giant wizard for four solid seconds.

So, do you still think I ought to continue? The next chapter is what Ginny's been doing, and then quite possibly the ball.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, this is **Julianne Q. Grey** with another update of **Once Upon A Really Random Story**. Thanks to **U.C.S.**, **zoey** and **Indiglo**, my most recent reviewers. Now, I grace you with the chapter in which we find out what Ginny's been doing the month before the ball.

* * *

The red-haired maid Ginny scrapped the idea of running away. She knew it wouldn't work. Well, at least she wasn't the only one with an idiotic arranged marriage.

Her thin, tall brother Ron, who Phyllis thought had spattergroit, a skin disease (she tried to bind a toad liver around his throat, that was as far as she got), was being "forced" to marry Princess Hermione, who had an evil stepmother (he really _did_ want to marry her, but that's beside the point). This evil stepmother was really mean. She was incredibly jealous of Hermione's intelligence, so the evil stepmother forced her to wear rags and be her servant. She wasn't really that pretty to begin with, so the rags meant nothing to her. Hermione really didn't care too much about these things, so long as the Queen didn't try to take away her favourite book, Hogwarts, a History.

Yes, this universe is weird, but we don't care. This particular ball 'twas supposed to be a "formal" ball. While making costumes, Ginny took out an old dress, which fit her when she was eight. After four charms, four scraps of cloth, and a quarter spool of thread, there was a lovely dress with a red skirt, black top part, white sleeves, and gold-coloured ermine complete with a red mask trimmed with golden-coloured cloth. Ron was clad a red suit with a triangular golden ruffle, golden-coloured ermine, and a black bow with a plain black mask.

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A brown, frizzy haired girl was sewing her stepmother's ridiculously frilly green-and-silver dress. _Stitch, stitch_. This girl was Princess Hermione. She had embroidered several white flowers into the skirt. Sewing for her evil stepmother was not her ideal activity.

"Sewing for my stepmother is not my ideal activity," said Hermione. See what I mean?

Back on the Weasley boat, Phyllis accidentally turned herself into a mole.

"Drat! Why do I keep on changing into random animals?" exclaimed Phyllis. "This must be the work of The-One-With-Seven-Names!"

"Phyllis! Come here and help me with the soup!" yelled Mrs. Weasley.

"Yay! Soup!" said Phyllis. Fred and George popped up out of nowhere. One twin strategically placed a sparrow sweet near Phyllis's dormitory.

"No good. If somebody who has less than two siblings even touches one of these sweets, they turn into the desired animal," said the other twin.

"Well, we still have plenty of time to fix it," said the first twin, and away they went. Little did they know Kayla was watching them!

"Burr, you'm dredf'll villyums, wait 'til oi catched 'um!" said Kayla in her hard to understand language. "Moi silly friend Phillum ez cazy!"

Kayla rushed off to watch the oven to prevent burning the summer vegetable pasties. What the rest of the Weasleys did was make their costumes until dinner, consisting of a fish and seaweed soup, summer vegetable pasties, a lovely baked fish, some good, fresh bread, and the nicest cherry cordial. After dinner, Phyllis accidentally transported herself to America and up a cherry tree when George Washington was around (he almost chopped it down!). Then she went forward in time to when Canada was protesting Britain and to when James Potter arranged the marriage. Finally she arrived back at the ship where this whole trip took a half second.

Everyone was really tired, so they went to sleep. Phyllis accidentally touched a sparrow sweet before nodding off.

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Hermione had just been dismissed as she made her way to her dormitory. She began sewing a lovely dark pink and midnight blue dress…

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Ginny leaped into the night, landing with splash in the water.

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So what do you think? The next chapter is the ball! To translate Kayla, she means "Burr, you're dreadful villains, wait until I catch you! My silly friend Phyllis is crazy!" 


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